EXT. BACKYARD – NIGHT
So there are a bunch of dogs in the backyard of this house. Like 6 or so. (If we can’t get 6, it’s okay. If we can get more than 6 that would be awesome.) They’re all looking at this one dog who is talking to them. Yeah, this is one of those deals. The talking dog is like a Golden Retriever. (Don’t even bother coming to set, dog people, if you can’t get a Golden. For real.) And being a GR means he commands and demands respect from the other dongs. I mean dogs. He talks:
GOLDEN RETRIEVER
…So in conclusion, I just don’t think our never-ending war with the felines is really worth it. Mostly for the points I’ve already made, but also because it’s just gotten really boring and tedious and let’s face it: shit hasn’t changed in like forever. We’ll never win because they have millions of babies and we can’t stop them.
The dogs are like: “This really makes a lot of sense” and “I always thought this GR was a dickhead, but now I get where he’s coming from.”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER
So we’re all cool with stopping this war?
All the dogs say “yay” because they vote in a yay or nay fashion. (This should be obvious to anyone who has been around dogs ever.)
CUT TO:
EXT. ALLEY – MOMENTS LATER
We see GR walking down the alley. (We are right to assume he’s just left the Dog Council. Oh you didn’t know it was called the Dog Council? It was/is.)
Anyway, as he walks, he unzips his dogskin and out from the dogsuit steps a PERSIAN CAT! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa???!!!
CUT TO:
INT. OLD LADY’S BASEMENT – MOMENTS LATER
The Persian Cat (PC) addresses the Cat Council (just a bunch of fucking cats).
PERSIAN CAT
…So in conclusion, the dogs are going to leave us alone now. So I think we should just end our never-ending war with the mice while we’re at it. Kind of pay it forward. Besides, we’ll never win because they have millions of babies and we can’t stop them.
The cats are like: “This really makes a lot of sense” and “I always thought this PC was a dickhead, but now I get where he’s coming from.”
PERSIAN CAT
So we’re all cool with stopping this war?
All the cats say “meow” because they vote in a meow or hiss fashion. (This should be obvious to anyone who has been around cats ever.)
CUT TO:
EXT. ALLEY – MOMENTS LATER
We see PC walking down the alley. As he walks, he unzips his catskin and out from the catsuit steps a WHITE MOUSE! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa???!!!
CUT TO:
EXT. DUMP – MOMENTS LATER
The White Mouse (WM) addresses the Mouse Council (a sea of mice).
WHITE MOUSE
…So I totes infiltrated the dogs when I dressed up like a cat that dressed up like a dog and infiltrated the cats by just dressing up like a cat. But enough about me. The point is I tricked the dogs into calling off their war with the cats and the cats into calling off their war on us. The plan totally worked even though some of you said it wouldn’t.
All the mice look at this one Gray Mouse (GM).
GRAY MOUSE
What? You have to admit it sounds fucking crazy. It’s a crazy plan.
They all keep staring at him.
GRAY MOUSE
Fuck you guys.
The GM leaves.
WHITE MOUSE
So I guess we should party. Those in favor?
The mice all pop tiny champagne bottles because that’s how they vote “yay.” It’s unknown how they vote “nay” because the GM is the only one who ever has and now he’s ostracized.
It’s a crazy mouse party and they live it up, not having to worry about the cats coming and fucking up their shit.
CUT TO:
EXT. ALLEY – MOMENTS LATER
We see WM walking down the alley. As he walks, he unzips his mouseskin and out from the mousesuit steps a… no, DRIVES a TINY CAR! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa???!!!
Seriously, what the fuck.
THE END.
