EPIC Screenplays

EXT. NEW YORK CITY – NIGHT

We float through the city — giant skyscrapers surround us, some with a lot of lights on, some with only a few.  This city never sleeps because its inhabitants won’t let it because they’re constantly doing stuff.  None more than this guy:

INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

REX OVERHOLT (Who will alternately be referred to as “Rex” and “Overholt” mainly just to keep you on your toes), 42, but with the body of a 25 year old and the mind of a 46 year old.  These things don’t come for free and we see in his office an elliptical as well as a mini-library. (Note to Props: the mini-library should have 200 books minimum.  I’ll provide you a list of the ones I want.  Thanks.)  He looks out over the city as he sips a cup of coffee — black like men like it.

REX OVERHOLT
This city never fucking sleeps.

We do this really cool focus thing with the camera where his POV suddenly shows his reflection in the window.  He looks at himself.

REX OVERHOLT
And neither do I.

Just then, his phone rings.  He answers it.

REX OVERHOLT
This is Overholt.

MALE VOICE (OS)
This is Candace.  Meet me at the Acropolis.

The line goes dead.  Overholt isn’t too happy about meeting this “Candace” at the “Acropolis.”  He mulls it over in his mind with his mind.

Just then, BOOM!  His assistant, JODY, a dude, rushes in like some shit is on fire or something!

JODY
Whoa!  The Acropolis!  Should I book you a trip to Greece?

REX OVERHOLT
It’s a code word, Jody.  And why are you still here?

JODY
So I can put down more overtime without feeling guilty.

REX OVERHOLT
Jody… don’t make me fire you.

JODY
Okay.  Talk to you later!

Jody exits and so does Rex.

INT. ELEVATOR – MOMENTS LATER

Jody and Rex ride together uncomfortably on the elevator.  Rex clearly should’ve delayed his exit.  This is stupid.

And takes way too long.

It’s still not over.

Okay.

Now it is.

They get off the elevator.

EXT. ALLEY – LATER

Some dude stands in the alley as Overholt rounds the corner.  The dude seems excited.

REX OVERHOLT
Candace?

Yep.

CANDACE
Yes!  I thought you wouldn’t come.  Well, I thought you would, but there was a small part of me that thought you wouldn’t.  Pretty interesting stuff.

REX OVERHOLT
Right.  What’s this ground-breaking, earth-shattering information you have for me?

CANDACE
It’s about the tobacco industry!

REX OVERHOLT
Hey, Candace.  Calm the fuck down.  This shit is supposed to be on the DL and your mouth is a motherfucking megaphone.

CANDACE
My bad.

REX OVERHOLT
Yes, it is your bad.  Don’t do that shit again.  Ever again.

Candace talks quieter the rest of the scene.  If he didn’t, Rex would’ve smoked his ass or just walked away, not wanting to deal with this moron.  Loud moron.

CANDACE
I have information that cigarettes can kill you.

Candace pauses for effect and to let this sink in for Overholt.

REX OVERHOLT
No shit.  Where have you been for the last decade?

CANDACE
But this is different.  This is new information that’s come to light just like new information came to light in that one movie with that one dude.

REX OVERHOLT
I’d love to stay here and chit-chat, but the truth is I wouldn’t love to stay here and chit-chat.

CANDACE
So you don’t want to buy the information from me?

REX OVERHOLT
Yes.  I do want to buy the information from you… with BULLETS!

Rex pulls out a gun and shoots Candace to death!  Fuck!  Whoa!  Wow!

Candace dies and doesn’t get to say anything because Rex shot him so fast.

Rex (Overholt) grabs the folder out of Candace’s hand (it’s been there the whole time, I just didn’t tell you about it) and takes off into the New York night.

INT. REX OVERHOLT’S BATHROOM – LATER

Rex walks into his bathroom way tired from this day.

REX OVERHOLT
Well, that was some fucking bullshit.  Lucky this info didn’t fall into the wrong hands.

He flushed the file folder down the toilet — a decision he will later regret when his toilet gets all clogged up and he has to call a plumber.

He starts to draw a bath and puts bubbles in that shit because he likes to relax.

He then takes off his clothes — don’t go crazy, he’s just built like a normal dude.

But then something crazy happens…

HE GRABS A ZIPPER ON HIS BACK AND UNZIPS HIS SKIN!

WHAT?!

YES.

HE TAKES OFF HIS SKIN TO REVEAL A GIANT 6-FOOT TALL CIGARETTE WITH SPINDLY LITTLE ARMS AND LEGS!

WTF!

WHOA!

The giant cigarette version of Rex Overholt gets into the bathtub and sinks into the bubbles.

He then takes a Zippo and lights the top of his head.  The cherry on the top of his head glows red for a beat, then he blows smoke out of his CGI mouth.

REX OVERHOLT
Fucking people.

THE END.

This entry was posted on March 15, 2010 at 11:46 am and is filed under Uncategorized with tags Bubble Bath, Candace, Cigarettes, Elevators, Elliptical, Jody, Mini-Library, New York City, Rex Overholt, The Acropolis, Tobacco Industry, WTF. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.