EPIC Screenplays

INT. BILLIE’S HOUSE – ANOTHER DAY

So I guess some of you haven’t read the first CHICKS DRINKING RED WINE.  I suggest you do so you won’t be lost in part II, but in case you’re an asshole and don’t want to/don’t have time because you’re the president of something/hate originals, but love sequels I’ll just go ahead and write it so you’ll get it no matter what.  (This takes skill and precision as a writer.)

Billie’s house is shabby chic, which basically means she bought new furniture that looks old and worn down but it’s really just painted to look like that.  If you’re a dude, just think exactly how you wouldn’t want your house to look and that’s what Billie’s place looks like.  Whatever.

The four ladies are sitting around drinking wine again, but this time they’re drinking white because they’re changing it up.  Also, Billie is hosting and she’s boycotting everything red because her Native American boyfriend just dumped her.  Also, she’s racist.

These are descriptions of the four ladies: CARLA, 44, kinda boring, but nice legs.  BILLIE, 44, big boobs, small frame (very rare).  MINDY, 44, big boobs but heavy.  And finally BRENDA, 45, big boobs, but strong-looking.

It’s also important that you know that we just found out that Brenda is actually BRENDAN, a dude!  He’s totally infiltrated this group of chicks in order to learn their secrets and bang them one by one.  (This is why you should’ve read the first one.)

But whatever, on with the show…

BILLIE
Man, Mindy, I can’t believe you got into an accident after drinking all that wine last time we were at the country club.

MINDY
Four bottles of red makes a body dead!

All the ladies laugh except for Billie.

BILLIE
That’s a weird joke because you did kill someone.  You ran over an old lady.

MINDY
She was crossing the street using a walker when she should’ve been using a RUNNER!

Mindy laughs.  No one else does.  Then she cries.  Hard.  She hasn’t given herself the time to mourn and reflect on her mistake since it happened last Tuesday.  Today is Thursday.

BILLIE
There, there.  Let it all out.

CARLA
Well, all this crying and emotion makes me have to tinkle.

Carla excuses herself to the bathroom.  (This is an interesting difference between chicks and dudes.  A dude would just leave.  A chick has to like make it a giant production so she doesn’t offend the other chicks.)

BRENDA
Mindy, I totally get what you’re going through.  But the way you should look at it is you didn’t die and so it’s kinda like God loved you and maybe, possibly didn’t love that old lady.

BILLIE
Or maybe it was that old lady’s time to go.

MINDY
Do you think she’s in heaven?

BRENDA
How the fuck would I know?
(then)
I mean, JK, JK, of course she is!

Everything is uncomfortable, then Mindy breaks the silence by drinking and entire bottle of Chardonnay.  (I would like to cast a woman who can actually do this.  Shouldn’t be hard!  LOL!  JK, JK.)

BRENDA
Well, I’m gonna go wait outside the bathroom because I have to go really bad.  My bladder ain’t what it used to be after having two kids and miscarrying two more.
(then)
Thought you should know that.

Brenda leaves.

BILLIE
We totally didn’t need to know that.

MINDY
Nope.

Mindy cries more and Billie comforts her more.

CUT TO:

INT. BILLIE’S HOUSE HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Brenda is waiting outside the closed bathroom door.  (You have to remember Brenda is actually Brendan and he’s trying to nail the ladies one by one.  It’s going to be important here.)  Suddenly, but totally expectedly, Carla opens the bathroom door.

Carla and Brenda look deeply into each other’s eyes.

CARLA
Well?  These clothes aren’t gonna take themselves off…

CUT TO:

INT. BILLIE’S BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS

Whoa!

Brenda pushes Carla into the bathroom!  They can barely get the door shut before they are making out so hard!  Like so hard that Carla grabs a towel on the towel rack and rips that shit right off the wall!

BRENDA
I want you so bad.

CARLA
Samesies!

Quickly, too quickly for some, their hands caress each other’s bodies and slowly, sensually make their way down to each other’s crotches.  Abruptly:

CARLA
You have a penis!

BRENDA
YOU have a penis!

WTF?!

Brenda studies Carla for a moment.

BRENDA
Carl?!

Carla studies Brenda for a moment.

CARLA
Brendan?!

SON OF A BITCH!

Did not see that coming.

TO BE CONTINUED…

This entry was posted on February 23, 2010 at 11:41 am and is filed under Uncategorized with tags Billie, Brenda, Brendan, Carla, Chardonnay, Drunk Driving, Mindy, Preventable Deaths, Sequel, Shabby Chic, White Wine. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.