Chicks Drinking Red Wine
INT. COUNTRY CLUB SITTING AROUND AREA – DAY
A bunch of ladies are sitting around in the area designated for sitting around. They are as follows: CARLA, 44, kinda boring, but nice legs. BILLIE, 44, big boobs, small frame (very rare). MINDY, 44, big boobs but heavy. And finally BRENDA, 45, big boobs, but strong-looking.
They drink wine which is served to them by some high school boy wearing khaki shorts and hair gel. He drops off the wine glasses and leaves.
MINDY
Mmm-mmm. In two years, that boy will be ripe for the pickin’.
CARLA
That boy is 14. So in 2 years he’ll only be 16.
MINDY
Exactly.
(Great and funny math joke.)
BILLIE
She’s kind of a pedophile, but that’s okay because nowadays society calls ladies like her “cougars.”
LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH! Billie just killed it with that joke.
MINDY
I do like ‘em young.
She does cat claws, which is apparently hilarious to this bunch of women.
MINDY
Meow!
More laughs. God they are cracking each other up!
BRENDA
This day is just hilarious. I’m glad I made friends with you all.
BILLIE
I’m glad you gave me that dollar off coupon for dish soap!
CARLA
I’m glad the French decided to make this Bordeaux!
Holy shit! Another hilarious joke. These women literally couldn’t be having a better time.
TIME DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. COUNTRY CLUB VALET – LATER
All the women’s teeth are purple because they drank a ton of wine because they don’t have jobs and their rich husbands work while they drink a ton of wine and crack wise.
BILLIE
Man, what’s the legal limit for boozin’ and cruisin’?
CARLA
Point oh eight.
MINDY
More like point oh great!
So hilarious! So much laughter again. No one is worried about driving drunk, btw. And they are all drunk.
BILLIE
Well, let’s get our cars from the sexy Latin valet.
They all look at Mindy.
MINDY
What? He’s too old for me.
We ANGLE ON the HOT LATIN VALET. He’s really cute and also reading a textbook that says “12th Grade American History – 4th Period.”
CARLA
You’re terrible, Mindy.
She is. And they all laugh again. Fuck, I wish I could hang out with these chicks.
BRENDA
I’ll catch up later, ladies. I gotta take a dump.
(off their looks)
JK, JK, I was being like a dude.
All the ladies chuckle — Brenda is so funny and “gets it.” They all think about how lucky they are to have met Brenda and become friends with her. Then they cross to the valet stand while Brenda crosses to the bathroom.
CUT TO:
INT. LADY BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Brenda comes out of a stall and crosses to the sink. She splashes her face, washing off some serious make up to REVEAL:
BRENDA’S A DUDE!
WHOA!
REVELATION! (The plot thickens.)
Brenda (now to be called BRENDAN) takes off his wig and stares at himself in the mirror. He is happy with himself.
BRENDAN
Now I know their secrets. And I will have sex with them one by one.
Just then another CHICK comes out of a stall.
CHICK
What the fuck are you going in here? And why the fuck are you wearing a dress from last season?
BRENDAN
My bad.
Brendan exits.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Probably.
February 3, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Finally you wrote a script for women and about women. It is honest. It is compelling. It tells it like it is. Thank you epic screenwriter. Thank You!!!
February 3, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Dude, Brendan is going to totally nail Mindy, but I don’t think he’s got much of a shot at Carla because she’s the classy one.
February 3, 2010 at 4:35 pm
Hey, one of those chicks is a dude! WHAAAAAA….????
February 23, 2010 at 11:41 am
[...] I guess some of you haven’t read the first CHICKS DRINKING RED WINE. I suggest you do so you won’t be lost in part II, but in case you’re an asshole and [...]